Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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