Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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