I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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