Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
