so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize