i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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