He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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