Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
from now on my penis is your penis
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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