The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize