I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
