Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm like, not good at living.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
