are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
