blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
and you fell through a lawn chair
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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