i'm signing you up for texting rehab
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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