you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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