one word: firstdatebathroomanal
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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