There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
