Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
