hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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