life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
