There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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