Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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