I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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