Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
