This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
