I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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