I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize