Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't turn off my feet"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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