I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
