Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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