maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
