Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
