i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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