I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
