When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
