I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
