Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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