the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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