Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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