My hand turned me down
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
