if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
