And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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