I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she woke up with a sticky ear
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
