the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
