who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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