I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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