I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
