Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
