dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
