I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Someone shit on the floor
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
