haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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