mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
