My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
