I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
