she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
