Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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