To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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