Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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