I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
