I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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