Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
