Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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