just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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