and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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