can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
