I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
