Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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