Porn is love you can see.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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