You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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