Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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