when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
