He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
