so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
