mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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