3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
