PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
ttyl tear gas
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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