I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
