I heard we made out
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize