Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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