The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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