did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
