I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
