honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
