Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
