My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
