He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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