So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
