ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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