Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize