i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
