That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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