i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
