The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
