How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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