Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize