Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
