About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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