you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He felt like a one man threesome
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
