i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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